why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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