I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Randomize
