The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
