girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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