No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize