I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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