No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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