it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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