Do you still have your period?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
