Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sober January is a disaster.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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