dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize