I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
