Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
