Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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