saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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