i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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