Already got asked if we're dating
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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