Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
