On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I smell like Dick and happiness
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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