I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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