My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
