true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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