....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
