Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Barsexuality is the new black.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize