The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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