Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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