I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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