Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
