Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why do cheetos always look like penises
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize