Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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