Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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