my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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