Say something about gay babies.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
