i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thus making me awesome and them whores
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
