I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
