Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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