we have pet lesbian snakes
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
