I cannot find my penis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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