just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
