haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
