i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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