I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
