Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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