Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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