In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
