we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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