Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
