The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
