I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
