I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
