If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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