i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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