Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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