I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize