At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
