Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
