i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
