weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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