But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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