He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
