So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
