honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize