So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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