Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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