I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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