I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
