So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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