i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
