You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
