Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
