god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize