Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize