Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
