I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
