I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
