Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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