He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is it penis luge time yet?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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