i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
