oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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