Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
