Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
