I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
