he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
