Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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