mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
