The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
