Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
