Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
