I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize