Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A bitchslap is in order.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize