Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
