chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
