By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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