ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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