; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
