I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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