I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize