____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to fling myself into the sun
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
