final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
