I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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