I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize