3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
