I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
