is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
