I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
