Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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