I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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