i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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