So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize