meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
