carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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