i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
